HOLY SMOKING POPES!! We will be apart of the 9th Annual San Francisco Comedy Festival!! DELICIOUS!

BOING!! BOUNCY! BOUNCY!! BOU-BOUNCY! BOUNCY!!! BOU-BOU-BOUNCY! BOUNCY!!!

We’ll stop bouncing off the walls before we continue.

BOUNCY! Bouncy. Bou-bouncy. boing… boing… and done.

Okay. All done.

Whew.

Now we should start packing our bags and looking for flights. Oh, well, the festival is a little ways off so… we’ll unpack our bags and refrain from packing until a more appropriate date. Let’s look at sometime early January for packing. However we’ll need to go back in time and tell our past selves to book flights well in advance so as to get the best rates possible for interstate travel.

Book early. Pack late. That’s our motto.

Although, we also have some other pretty sweet motto’s. Like: “Take it to the limit or don’t take it at all” or, “I asked for clogs on this trout, not lemon butter”.

At any rate, this is a very exciting time and we could not be more thrilled to be apart of it.

BOUNCY!

Stopping.

For festival and ticket information, please follow this link: SF Sketchfest 2010!

HAPPY FOURTH NIGHT OF HANUKKAH, PRETTY PEOPLE!

Hello Pretty People,

Our friends at Bughouse Theater have graciously invited us to show a video at their monthly “BugHouse Short Film Contest!”.

Last time we showed “VAMPIRES:THE MOVIE” and won second place.

This time we are showing “ZOMBIE CHEF”! I have a sneaking suspicion that this time the crowd will favor us even more because everyone loves Christmas!

What? –innocent look

That doesn’t make sense to you? Zombies. Christmas. Hello? It’s like peanut butter & chocolate. Their perfect together! Come on… I’m… I’m not alone on this.

Guys, back me up.

crickets… crickets…

Guys?

crickets…

WELL, enough jabber from me– ON TO THE DETAILS:

The Upstairs of Mullen’s Bar & Grill in Wrigleyville
[3527 N. Clark Street Chicago, Illinois 60657-- call for more info. (773) 325-2319]
Tickets are $10
Doors open at 8:00PM.

The price you pay at the door goes to help Bughouse Theater raise money to get their own space.
Oh, what is BugHouse Theater, you ask? Well, BugHouse Theater is an up-and-coming theater company here in Chicago that may or may not love us enough to put some of our own shows up someday.

–PUPPY EYES, give them the PUPPY EYES–

To find out more check out www.bughousetheater.com.

So come out and have some fun, drinks, and laughs with us at Mullen’s.

Until next time– Much love.

Hello Pretty People,

Voting is over for the Chicago Metromix “So You Think You Can Funny?” Contest.

We’d like to thank everyone that voted for us and to everyone that voted each day. We really appreciate the love and support. It was really down to the wire. We had a strong lead in the beginning, 13%, eventually dipping down lower and lower. We ended at 7%. Which is amazing when you think about it. A lot of people didn’t even get a percentage.

In short, we feel the love.

Somebody likes us… And it’s you.

And you want to know something… We like you too.

To find out the end-END results, check back on Dec.7th right.

In the meantime, we are working hard on new material, and new video’s, and new words for new. So that way when you come back to visit, you at least know a new word for new.

So, get ready for some more tasty Long Pork!

Hello Pretty People!

It’s time to vote for the funniest video in the “So You Think You Can Funny?” Contest for The Second City & Metromix Chicago!

Exciting! Dangerous! Wondrous! We are really exhilarated to be in the running and now we need your votes to be in the Top 5. We’d love to be in the top 5 (who wouldn’t?) and be seen by a panel of Second City alumnus — Fred Willard, Rachel Dratch, Jeff Garlin and Mick Napier!

It goes without saying, but sometimes it’s nice to say, how much we love all of you for the support you give to us.

We would also like to give a shout out to our man, Zoran Gvojic, for his video “Cell Phone P.S.A.“, which is great. So, on the off chance you don’t love “Vampires: The Movie“, at least your vote can go to one of The Gentlemen.

But, as much as we love Zoran, vote for “Vampires: The Movie“.

So to recap:
Vote for “Vampires: The Movie“.
We love Zoran.
Oh, and vote for “Vampires: The Movie” and show The Gentlemen of Long Pork some love!

Your Friends,
The Gentlemen

Well, pretty people, we did it.

We have been accepted into the ninth annual largest sketch-comedy festival in the country! YES! JOY!! BOOYAH!!!

Now comes the tough part: What to wear? Because we don’t want to show up in the same outfits we wore before. We have to out do ourselves. We have to stand out. We need to sparkle like vampires in the sun. Diamond skin. We know we have a few things laying around but, everything looks so, festive. It’s as if everything we own makes us look like we are going to a party, or a wedding. We haven’t been to a party, or a wedding for that matter, in hours.

Should we wear these black suits, with those pink shirts, and red ties?

Mmmmm, no, no.

Maybe these black suits, with those pink shirts, and red ties?

Eeeeeee, nah, no, nope.

Ah-HA!

We’ll wear these black SUITS, with those pink SHIRTS, and red TIEZ!

FRAK YES!

Now we are cooking with a very unstable chemical that is on fire! That “Z” really helped. I love that letter sometimes.

For festival and ticket information, please visit Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival.

Hmmm, now to figure out which black shoez to wear…

Ha, there it is again.

Edgey.

Hello Lovers,

So as you might have guessed from the title of this post, Long Pork won second place.  “At what!?!” you may ask.  Maybe a free flow dancing contest, a how much weight do you lose after taking a dump contest, or even a which is better: Apple, Microsoft, or Long Pork contest.  Well it was none of those!  I’ll tell you what it was right (BANG!)….

I’m sorry to interrupt this blog message, but that man had to die.  He was evil and didn’t deserve to live, but now he has left us with an unfortunate cliff hanger.  What could Long Pork have possible won second place in?  Maybe it was (BANG!)….(BANG, BANG,BANG!).

Sorry everyone, I’m not dead as you originally thought.  I was only faking it until my evil twin Philip took his attention off me.  As I was saying:

LONG PORK took second in the first monthly “BugHouse Short Film Contest!”.  “Vampires: The Movie” came in a close second (the other film had more people there to vote).  We are super proud of our little film and it’s writer, our amazing Zack. 

Oh what is BugHouse?  BugHouse is an up-and-coming theatre here in Chicago.  It’s a great project that everyone should get behind.  To find out more check out www.bughousetheater.com.

Also, look out for “Vampires” to make it’s way into a certain Second City contest for short films (more to be announced soon)!

And lastly, if you stubbled upon this posting and it’s still Friday, November 6th before 10pm and you are looking for some entertainment, LP’s very own Charley Carroll will be performing in “Co-ed Prison Sluts!” at the Annoyance Theatre in Uptown tonight.  Go listen to him sing the high notes and croon the low notes, vibrating all the right bones in your body.

Oh yes, and the $5,000,000 dollars that LP stole from the bank is buried right over at 222 M (BANG!)

LP

So far the most exciting thing of the Month of October, has to be our new material.  But, you say to yourself, it’s not October yet…..that’s how good this new material is.  It went into the future and secured the top spot in all of our future hearts.

Bullshit you say?  Well, you won’t say that next month.  That’s right!  The new material told us that next month your new favorite word will be spluge.

Spluge you say?  No…don’t say it yet.  Save it for October.

Rehearsal this week was a riot.  All we did was laugh and laugh and laugh…till Zack killed the kitten snuggling too hard.  Then Lee cussed  because he doesn’t own a videogame console but wants to play as Batman, Seth played NHL 2010 in protest of the feline violence, Zoran secretly beat Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 without Charley, Charley secretly beat Zoran’s rugs in the back yard with out Zoran knowing (C’s a clean freak), and Zack just kept performing small animal CPR and crying (Zack doesn’t really play video games).

Overall, it was a Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day.  With Super Fudge….and Bunicula.

So, now I bet you can’t wait to hear the new material. huh?!?

Days off are for lottery winners, the retired, and the gainfully employed.  We are all but three of those things….so we met.

We talked more about everyone’s favorite renegade cop.  And I think we may have some of our best stuff yet*.

We watched our new video that is in the works*.  Regardless of it’s humor potential, Lee orgasmed. So spluge factory as always.

Lee also had the rooty-tooty-fresh and fruity.

Zoran sent people back in time.

Are all of these incoherent sentences creating suspense?  Well, we hope so!  Until next time, true believers!  ’Nuff Said!

*quality subject to change and may never see the light of day.

Well, another Long Pork rehearsal has drawn to a close and with only minor casualties.  Comedy can kill y’all…especially ours as we discussed tonight. Just beware.

Lee and Seth have created a monster of a video that will never be made.  But trust me when I say, you would swallow a bucket of puppies to see this masterpiece…..Yeah you would…..hey, stop fighting me on this!  How would you know?

Zoran has written two great scripts, one of which calls upon a favorite Long Pork character!  Funny, it’s the only character he plays besides an occasional Graboid.

Zack was quiet….suspiciously quiet.

Charley laughed and cried, but never once got out of the hot tub.

So, it was just rehearsal as usual.

Oh and our DVD is done*!  YEA!!!!!

LP Out!

*Don’t get too excited, you’ll never see it.  Unless you own a theatre….then call us.

Dear Miss Einhorn-Bergstein, (our 4th grade teacher from 1989)

This summer we have been going to the movies, writing new material, and swinging our dicks in cold water. If that sounds vulgar, that’s because we were using cold water.

Seth has been homeless for a bit of time this summer. It was fun to see him scamper in the shadows of the day and night, eating the discards of the rich and powerful.

Zoran is doing well. Throwing food and money out of his window for Seth to fight for with the other desperate clowns. Zoran loves to bathe in gold coins and laugh at his new ant farm.

Charley keeps working on getting everyone to go out to bars. His drinking has become more and more Roman. Although, we believe it’s all a cover for the war. The Great Secret Mutant War that wages beneath our very feet. The weight of this war weighs on his shoulders. It’s no wonder he needs to blow off steam with a little drink every now and right NOW!

Zack has once again gone missing. The last we heard, he was going to Bonaroo. That wondrous and lush music festival has such an allure to it. Zack was powerless. He told us of the trip, excitement twinkling in his eyes and teeth. That’s what should have tipped us off. His teeth wouldn’t stop chattering. As if an icy witch had his heart in her grasp, pulling him towards the dark woods. He had no shoes and only that damn staff he walks around with. If anyone has seen him, please point him back home.

Lee is moving. He has had it up to here (here being where flood waters drown dogs) with his current living situation in the project known as 948. He will be much happier at 946. It’s right next door so the move itself will be easier than buying a balloon. He likes balloons.

Oh, such times. We can’t believe it’s almost over. This glorious time known as été, as the French say, is a magical time.

Sorry to hear that you died this summer. I hope you feel better. We’re pulling for you.

Warm Regards,

The Gentlemen

P.S. – Our new web site launched today. We hope you enjoy it.