Hey Pretty People,

Well, it’s been a good year for us. We’ve performed at two festivals, put up some new videos, and started to perform a few improv shows. We’re concentrating on videos for the rest of the year, but we’ll be having an improv show at Stage 773 as part of SMUSH! on April 19th. Hosted by the lovely Liz McArthur, SMUSH! is a comedy extravaganza featuring sketch, imrpov, & stand-up comedy all on one stage. Party starts at 8:00PM. Hope to see you there. Check out the loverly details here: Stage 773

In other fun news, tomorrow (or today depending on when you’re reading this, possibly even yesterday) is Record Store Day! A celebration of all things record and store and vinyl. If you’d like to join us, we’ll be starting at Reckless Records on Broadway at 10AM to hunt for awesome tunes and whatever treats are at each store. Because of course you have to check out more than one! If you can’t join us, we hope you celebrate Record Store Day in your own way. PARTY!

Here’s a link to find out what’s going on around your neck of the woods!

RECORD STORE DAY – Home

We here at Long Pork love comics. We love them so much–that we make ‘em, or at least pop up in them.

One such pop up is I, Lee Russell, your friend. I am a comic book character! I am IN a COMIC BOOK! Crazy, right!? But it’s true. I have the pleasure to be apart of the amazing book, INFINITE VACATION. Thanks to the talented photographer/artist/overall badass, Kendall Bruns, I got to bring a childhood dream to life by actually being in a comic. CHECK IT OUT!

Now, I have to admit that I’m the reason a couple of comic book shops are sold out, BUT if you can find copies of issues #1 & #2, buy them. You will not regret it. The art is playful and the story is wonderful. I won’t ruin anything. Just check it out and enjoy the vacation.

Image Comics | Home

Also check out Mr.Kendall Bruns blog & podcast! We like him and we know you will too.

Kendall Bruns

So, I was IN a comic, but Zoran WRITES his own comic! MYSTERY AFOOT!

It’s Lowcarbcomedy.com’s first comic! Written by Zoran Gvojic & Dave Schneider, Art by Max Bare.

If you ever wondered what would happen if Big Foot and Loch Ness Monster got together and formed a detective agency, this book answers that question. It’s a comic fantasy like nothing out there. You can read it online for FREE! What? Yup. FREE! A new page every Wednesday and more laughs than one man can handle, so read it with friends.

You can check out MYSTERY AFOOT here:
Mystery Afoot: A Lowcarbcomedy.com Comic Book – Bigfoot and Nessie open a detective agency to find other myths.

Well that’s it for now.

Oh, and there’s one more thing: Lastly, but certainly not leastly, see Mr.Charley Carroll tomorrow night (or tonight, or yesterday, depending when you’re reading this) in CO-ED PRISON SLUTS! at The Annoyance Theater in Uptown, at Lawrence & Broadway. Show starts at 10:01PM! It’s Chicago’s longest running musical and Charley is in fine form delivering the funny. Go see it & learn a thing or two.

Talk to you later pretty people.

That’s right pretty people!

Tonight is our first-ever probably-not-annual fundraiser!

“Hit Yourself in The Face With a Guitar!”

Come party with us, check us out, hit on us, and maybe try to take one of us home.

The show is $10 and it’s a fundraiser to help us send Long Pork to Sketchfest New York City! We’ve already been accepted, now we just need to figure out how the frak we can afford to get there. (Yes, I said frak, thankyouverymuch.)

In all seriousness we’ve got a great show for you folks tonight and we’re really excited to see all your smiling faces. For your $10 you’ll get to see two awesome bands who are graciously donating their time for us:

Common Shiner
&
Barehand Jug Band

On top of that we’re really excited to announce that we’re partnering with Social Media Club Chicago and are an official after-party for tonight’s SMC meeting! So come, socialize, rock out, network and have a great time! There will also be raffles where we will be giving away some amazing prizes. It’s all to support a really great cause (us) so come on down and have a good time. Maybe we’ll buy you a drink!*

Also, if you can’t make it tonight, or it’s now Friday and you’re just now seeing this in Google Reader you can still help us out by donating: via PayPal.

Here’s the details:

The HideOut
1354 W. Wabansia Ave
Doors open at 8, show begins at 9

*If you give us the money to buy it and one for us each. Sorry we’re poor, hence the fundraiser.

WE say:
So guess what!

YOU say:
What?!?

WE say:
We are doing a show this week at one of the coolest bars in all of Chicago!

YOU say:
YAY!!!

WE say:
YOU SHUT UP!  SHUT UP!  SHUT….Did I tell you to talk again!?!  DO NOT make me come over there.

YOU say:
(weep)

WE say:
Oh God, Baby, we’re sorry we flipped out like that.  You know we love you.  We love you so much.  We’re just on edge because we’re so excited that we get to do some amazing comedy stage readings at the HideOut this week.  There will be prizes…you like prizes don’t you baby?

YOU say:
(weep) y-yes…

WE say:
And we’re gonna have two amazing bands play: Common Shiner and the BareHand JugBand playing with us.  Common Shiner is voiced by Morgan Foster and is one of Chicago’s favorite pop/rock bands.  Shhhh….calm down.  You remember Morgan right?

YOU say:
You mean Long Pork’s stage manager?

WE say:
Yep!  See, you’re okay!  And BareHand JugBand is one of the greatest Jug Bands in the country, or so says the Minneapolis Battle of the Jug Bands!  They are also an attractive band from thier spunky lady singers, to thier sassy Jug Player, and all the well dressed pluckin and slidin’ gentlemen folk inbetween.  Does this sound like a good time to you?  huh?

YOU say:
Well, I had plans on Thurs…

WE say:
But you’re gonna?….YOU’RE GONNA!?!?

YOU scream in fear:
SKIP THEM!  I’M GONNA SKIP THEM!

WE say:
See…I love you.

RECAP!

What?: “Hit Yourself In The Face With A Guitar!” a night of comedy stage readings by the Gentlemen of Long Pork.  Featuring performances by Common Shiner and the BareHand Jug Band.
Where?: The HideOut (1354 W. Wabansia Ave, 60642)
When?: Doors open at 8, show begins at 9
Why?: We love performing for you, there will be drink specials, lots of prizes to give away, and to raise monies for our NYC show!
Huh?: See now you are just asking questions to be silly. Silly pretty people.

The other night I went to the Kit Kat Lounge for some half price “Tini’s” with a few friends. They had a 2 page spread full of drinks with names only a stargazing teenage girl could dream up. “Snickerdoodle”, “Lavalamp”, and “Bradley Cooper” were all among the ranks, though to me they were worth only a taster’s sip. I could barely finish my “Black Widow”. Next time I’ll be sure to stick to the straight up Martini.
Oh, and I was molested by Tina Turner. This video is round 1. IF round 2 had been taped, you would be privy to the twisting of nipples — MINE– and an overall heightened sense of uncomfortableness.

Here it is:  Zack and Tina

Days off are for lottery winners, the retired, and the gainfully employed.  We are all but three of those things….so we met.

We talked more about everyone’s favorite renegade cop.  And I think we may have some of our best stuff yet*.

We watched our new video that is in the works*.  Regardless of it’s humor potential, Lee orgasmed. So spluge factory as always.

Lee also had the rooty-tooty-fresh and fruity.

Zoran sent people back in time.

Are all of these incoherent sentences creating suspense?  Well, we hope so!  Until next time, true believers!  ’Nuff Said!

*quality subject to change and may never see the light of day.

Well, another Long Pork rehearsal has drawn to a close and with only minor casualties.  Comedy can kill y’all…especially ours as we discussed tonight. Just beware.

Lee and Seth have created a monster of a video that will never be made.  But trust me when I say, you would swallow a bucket of puppies to see this masterpiece…..Yeah you would…..hey, stop fighting me on this!  How would you know?

Zoran has written two great scripts, one of which calls upon a favorite Long Pork character!  Funny, it’s the only character he plays besides an occasional Graboid.

Zack was quiet….suspiciously quiet.

Charley laughed and cried, but never once got out of the hot tub.

So, it was just rehearsal as usual.

Oh and our DVD is done*!  YEA!!!!!

LP Out!

*Don’t get too excited, you’ll never see it.  Unless you own a theatre….then call us.